I think that many of us developed coping mechanisms in childhood that we eventually realize don’t serve us in our current lives. These defenses are not always harmful per say, but when engaged in unconsciously, they can hinder us.

If I were to name my adaptive-strategy-turned-maladaptive-habit, I’d say daydreaming. For years I rationalized this. Daydreaming is a good thing! It is how I get my ideas and imagine my future! And I do believe in daydreaming. I believe children should be allowed a steady stream of it, in fact. Heck, adults too. But I relied on it so much as a child that it became unconscious well into adulthood. I left my body where fear and grief existed – feelings are felt in the body after all – to enter my head as a full-time resident. This is the flight response. It was there that I imagined my life away, all while my body went through the motions of everyday existence. It took me decades of adulthood to finally learn that all of life, including miracles of clarity, happens in the present moment, grounded in my body, and I will miss it if I continued escaping, unconsciously, into my head.

When the unconscious becomes conscious, there is alas an opportunity for change and growth. What has helped me the most with this change? Awareness, yoga, and meditation. I still allow myself to daydream consciously. And I have the occasional stressful occurrence when I am tempted to flee. It helps to remember the trauma responses, fight, freeze, flee and fawn and to choose differently.

Stay, breathe, feel, respond.